He’s NOT Your Best Friend If He Cheats On You
“There ain’t no way to hide your lyin’ eyes.” The Eagles had it right. I have a friend who’s struggling with the painful memory of seeing her husband in bed with her best friend. Devastating to say the least when two people you trust with your life, “head for the cheatin’ side of town.” My friend is divorced now, but she maintains that he was her best friend. The fact is he really wasn’t her best friend at all. Best friends don’t cheat on you. Ever.
My ex-husband cheated on me about three years into our marriage. We’d been together since high school, had just bought a house and were trying to start a family. At 29, I was young and invincible. But the glass house came crashing down one evening when I realized he wasn’t my best friend. After reluctantly confessing he was having an affair with a woman he worked with, we sold the house, he moved out and I moved on.
I felt like I’d been turned around in a cement mixer and then spit out onto the pavement. But I started to really think about his selfish and hurtful behaviour and I came to the conclusion that I could do without friends like him. Infidelity is not the type of thing you “get over,” but given enough time you do learn to accept what’s happened and move on. But do some people become permanent residents at the heartbreak hotel?
Dr. Martha Beck, a life coach, writer and regular contributor to O, The Oprah Magazine, sums it up like this: “When the relationship hits the skids, getting through an ordinary day feels like climbing Everest without supplemental oxygen.” Heartbreak can be crippling to your life.
I’m not about man bashing or stereotyping. I’m about empowering women to develop the skills to heal and move forward with their lives. Best friends have your back, listen to your same sad stories over and over again, hold the bucket when you’re sick, see you at your absolute worst, and still love you. A cheating husband is holding someone else’s bucket.
This post has 4 comments
November 17th, 2009
Loved your article as well as the one from Martha Beck – Love Lessons. Thanks for including that link.
Growing up I was always heard “find some man who will make you happy” or “marry a professional”. Well life is a fierce teacher and I have LEARNED to make myself happy and I became a professional. It is about reclaiming our power and painting the canvas of our life as we want it, knowing that there are no limitations; only those we have to overcome in our minds. We do heal, we do overcome, we become strong and find lasting happiness.
November 17th, 2009
Thank you, Lori. Well said. I really like the way you’ve interpreted life as a “fierce teacher” and that you’ve worked to reach your own goals. No one handed “happiness” to you. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy.
August 7th, 2010
Wonderful post and so very true. I remember being cheated on and blaming myself; it took a few weeks for me to realize that he was the idiot and I deserved better. We were only dating so it was easy to get out. Too many people don’t know their worth.
August 7th, 2010
Hi Kimberly, we need to be true to ourselves and realize our own self worth. I’m glad you did!