Be true to yourself.  That’s been my mantra for most of my life.  Was Gayle Haggard true to herself when she stayed with her husband, world-renowned evangelist Ted Haggard after his scandolous confession of sexual indiscretion with a man and illicit drug use?  After reading her book, Why I Stayed: the Choices I Made In My Darkets Hour,  I believe she was.

Ted and Gayle Haggard started New Life Church in the basement of their home in 1985 that grew to a congregation of more than 14,000 in 2006.  Raising a child with special needs as well as her four other children, Gayle often felt like a single mother.  She writes, “In light of Ted’s busy schedule, I often felt that I parented alone.  I developed compassion for single parents and appreciated how difficult it could be for them to manage the demands of children, work and family.” 

“I wanted more of my husband,” she continues.  “Yes there were plenty of times when I felt Ted wasn’t with me in the moment – when his attention was diverted to something else and his emotional energy was spent on others, leaving little time and energy for the kids and me.”  She writes that she let Ted know her feelings and he always seemed “blindsided” by her frustration. 

After Ted’s very public fall from grace, Gayle’s love and commitment to her husband were put to the test.  She could have walked away.  No one would have questioned her decision, but she saw an opportunity to strengthen her marriage. 

She understood what it would mean to save her marriage.  For the first time, she had from Ted what she’d always craved – time.  She had his undivided attention at a point in his life when he was most vulnerable.  She could have said, “Screw you…you’ve never been there for me all these years and now you’ve got what you deserve.”  But she didn’t.  Instead she really got to know her husband and began the long journey home. 

Gayle had the courage to put it all out there in her book to help other women struggling with heartache and painful decisions.  She paints a picture of a real family in crisis and not some airbrushed tinsel town version. 

Life has a funny way of working out sometimes.  A crisis can be a turning point and there’s no looking back.  The book’s title says it all, Why I Stayed: The Choices I Made In My Darkest Hour.  Worth the read.

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